if i can run in heels then i can drive
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
