the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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