I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
