I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
smell my finger.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
