i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
