Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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