so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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