Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
smell my finger.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
