Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
