Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
ttyl tear gas
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
