have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
