I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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