I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
