Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
