it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
