Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
