ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
