OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
