Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
