PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We left an ass print on the piano.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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