I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
