3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
