She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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