Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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