the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
