It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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