Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
