We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
