I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
