you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
