YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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