Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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