Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
