if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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