the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
