im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
