That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
