Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
