If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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