Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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