I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
