My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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