Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
