Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
