I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Enjoy the penises
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
