his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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