gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You ate ashes out of my bong
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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