your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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