My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
