make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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