Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
FUCK WHALES
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