i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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